just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
