He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize