my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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