Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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