Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize