I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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