Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
