idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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