Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
In America we eat man semen.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Randomize