went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
