wrigley field is MILF paradise
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
