Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
