I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The beer is more important than you right now.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
