id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
