I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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