so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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