i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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