Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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