I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Randomize
