why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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