who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
