my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
