Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize