I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
