I hate your face
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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