I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
