You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
