what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
