Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
