Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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