if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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