Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We're too hungover to prance.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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