Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
