College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
