He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
