I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
