I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize