My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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