I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
