oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
