I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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