sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
