I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
