You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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