i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
