Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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