lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
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