it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
