You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
All the doctor said was why
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
