I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
