All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
