he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
this boner is exhausting
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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