sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize