Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
