Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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