in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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