Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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