I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
