I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
