I heard we made out
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize