This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
