Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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