now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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