Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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