Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Randomize
