my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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