never play flip cup with pint glasses
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize