Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
