what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize