pop tarts are not kleenex
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
