I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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