you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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