we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
