my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize