So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
just tell him i said nine months
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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