i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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