Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
