Duck Duck Cougar?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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