is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
tell me about the fingering
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