ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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