Where did you get a picture of my penis
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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