Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
