Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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