Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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