I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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