I met the friendliest cop last night
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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