walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
50% drunk capacity currently
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
