you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
