I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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