i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i will never coherently bang her
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
