I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
