tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
