you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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