if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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