but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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