try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize