also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
